BOUNDARIES :: How to Have Healthy Ones, Dealing With Boundary Bullies, & Ditching the Disease to Please with Terri Cole

“If we say YES when we really want to say NO, what we’re really doing is not letting the people in our life authentically know who we are... And how will we ever be authentically LOVED if we never really let anyone know who we are?” ~ Terri Cole

We are talking with Terri Cole, licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp. Terri is a global leading expert in mindfulness, meditation, relationships, and wellbeing. Her strategies combine practical psychology, eastern mindfulness practices plus harnessing the power of intention to create sustainable positive behavioral change i.e. true transformation.

We cover all things BOUNDARIES: the different categories of boundaries, and examples of each plus good questions to ask yourself to assess your own boundaries.

Terri shares the 5 pillars of transformation that she developed from her 22 years of working with clients, the importance of discovering and understanding your “boundary blueprint” and what being a boundary master looks like.

We chat about our inner mean person aka “mafia mind” and how we developed this collective identify and lack of self-compassion.

Terri shares how to create a boundary proactive plan to deal with “boundary bullies” and navigating the tricky waters of relationships and how to unpack the “disease to please,” shape-shifting, and other adaptive behaviors that are very common for highly sensitive, empathic folks.

Finally Terri walks us through how to take a fearless inventory as the first step to building better boundaries and is giving away TWO free gifts... see below for how to access those!

Show Notes

In this episode, we discuss:

  • How Terri discovered her calling and began teaching what truly lit her up

  • The power of asking smart questions

  • Terri’s thoughts on “guru” culture

  • Why boundaries is such a hot topic and why

  • How the #metoo movement is all about boundary violations

  • The different categories of boundaries, and examples of each plus good questions to ask yourself to assess your own boundaries

  • How to begin cultivating awareness around boundaries and specific steps to take

  • Terri’s 5 pillars of transformation that she developed from her 22 years of working with clients: (1) self awareness, (2) self knowledge, (3) self acceptance, (4) self compassion, (5) self love & self celebration

  • The importance of discovering and understanding your “boundary blueprint” (see free gift below)

  • Examples of a “boundary disaster” vs “boundary master,” repeating boundary realities

  • The concept of transference and how it can mess up your current life experience

  • Our inner mean person aka “mafia mind” and how we developed this collective identify and lack of self-compassion

  • Why excuses like “this is just who I am” don’t fly with Terri and what new science of brain plasticity says we can change what we don’t like in our life and behavior

  • Terri’s “boundary bible”, how to become fluent in boundary language to support your health & well-being

  • How to create a boundary proactive plan to deal with “boundary bullies” and navigating the tricky waters of relationships

  • How to lube up your communication channels when setting boundaries for a smoother experience

  • How to unpack the “disease to please,” shape-shifting, and other adaptive behaviors that are very common for highly sensitive, empathic folks

  • The not-so-obvious connection between overly functioning people (aka strong, resilient, brilliant people) and codependency

  • How the quality of one’s boundaries is reflected in their health through physical manifestations

  • Terri walks us through how to take a fearless inventory as the first step to building better boundaries

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Connect With Terri Cole

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The Terri Cole Show Podcast

Gift #1: Guilt Free Boundary Meditation: Most of us, especially women, were taught to be nice - and saying no can make you fear you’re being mean or selfish. But if you want to have successful relationships, saying NO is a part of drawing healthy boundaries and being authentic. Terri created this meditation for you so that you can begin to reset your internal dialogue and be on your way to honoring your “No” with less fear, guilt or anxiety.

Gift #2: Boundary Blueprint: Your unique boundary blueprint impacts how well or poorly you’re creating boundaries in your personal and professional relationships right now. This guide contains specific questions that will help you understand the boundary styles you learned in your family of origin.

Resources + Links Mentioned 

Kris Carr

The Disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker

Note: Links marked with an asterisk (*) are affiliate links. Making a purchase through these links won’t cost you anything but we will receive a small commission. This is an easy, free way of supporting the podcast and production costs. Thank you!

 

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